Not like it matters

Thousands of words have been written and typed about dreams. Papers published, philosophers and scientists wasted their lives and hundreds of brains were tested but none of these, none of the words raised any definite voice to clear ideas about dreams. We have no clear idea about why they form, why some are colored when some are not and why we see what we see. Like all these were not enough and ‘coincidence’ had to find its way through it.

I don’t believe in coincidences, from a completely scientific point of view that is, and so it haunts me when I don’t have any answer to things which can get a conclusion with coincidence. Have you ever dreamed about a long lost person after years and Facebook suggested him/her as a friend the next morning? No science, from no universe, can explain that to me and, just like every other single thing of my life, I am now confused about ‘coincidence’ but not yet registering it as a fact, of course.

I don’t know, or may be I don’t remember it, when I first felt something for her and when I stopped feeling that. It has been years and there was no logical explanation to anything that happened with me regarding her. She was never the beautiful one, neither by looks nor heart, but she had this flare that burnt the hearts of many men. They were all awestruck by her presence and the way she teased them, spoiled them. She took them to the very beginning of indulgence and left them dry. She never loved me, or for the matter, no man, as her heart always danced for the femininity, but she gave me the moments of blaze that no other men tasted before me. She took me in her fire and burnt me slowly.   

I don’t believe that magic has anything to do with love. I would rather believe in the “it’s all hormonal” theoretical explanation of love than to believe in destiny and all its plans to bring people together, not because it explains things better, err.. Partly that may be, but mostly because it makes things easier to cope with. I don’t find why feelings, moments and dreams cannot be pure if they are not eternal. The same way I don’t know why you can’t feel the same about more than one person. I admit that having two partners is immoral but having feelings for two, or more, people at the same time never comes to me as a surprising fact.

I remember this far that it took me years to get rid of my hormonal actions about her. It was obvious that her leaving me was a blow as when a woman ends her relation with another woman to be with a man, you supposed to hope that they will last for a long time, if not for ever after. I took things for granted and was too much in her to notice that I was the bridge to bring change in her sexual orientation. It changed everything permanently and, like every other change, it took time for adaptation.     

I have a little idea why I dreamed about her after almost two years by I have no idea how Facebook found that out. Strange how little things can affect your believe system but no matter how, its time for that. I have to start believing in coincidence or magic and once I choose any of it, all my life will become a lie. Ummmm… Coincidence sounds less magical than magic; not like it matters, but it does, doesn’t it???