Invention of language: A bathroom discussion

Each day, right at 1 P.M, I stand beneath the shower. Right at that moment, the same thing happens in two other bathrooms- one that faces mine and another one over mine. Me from here, He from above, and She from beside; we chat. Yes, we chat while the hot water tries to dilute our words, we chat despite the nudity, and we chat ignoring the ears of the neighbors. We love our crooked neighbors with our crooked hearts, but we ignore our crooked neighbors with our crooked tête-à-tête.

Yesterday was no different, apart from the fact that the conversation was about the very foundation of it: the language. Just as the warm water touched me, a query tapped on the bathroom-window.

She: Ever wondered how people used to think before language was invented?

He: No! But now I will surely lose sleep over it (the answer came from above).

Me: I think they pictured their thoughts! (I hopped into the chat)

He: But then how did they put across their feelings?

Me: Maybe they didn’t. I think they just did what they wanted to do.

She: What about the wants that involved others?

He: Umm, maybe the stronger ones got their way then.

She: Thus the patriarchal civilization was established.

Me: Wow, I think we just answered the unasked mystery!

He: Oh, Don’t start, you two! Get back to the subject, can we?

She: Maybe we should first think why language was invented at the first place?

Me: To lie, of course.

He: But didn’t we just establish the fact that the stronger ones could do that anyway?

She (to He): He didn’t mean that, you perv! He meant false statements.

She (to Me): At least I hope so!

Me: Most certainly. What I mean is that language was invented to convey false proclamations.

He: That’s what I meant too… lie to lie, if you know what I mean!

She: Can you not do that when I am around?

He: Alright. F-Y-I, I think the notion stands. Not always one can go about feeding the desires. One needs to come across the needs to pretend. Hence, lying was necessary and language was invented.

Me: Alright, let’s put a pin in it for now. What else?

She: I think language was first invented by a lazybones. You know, to convince others to complete his or her job.

Me: That’s very much possible. “Hey, you hairy caveman, go prepare the food!” or something like that?

She: So, you are implying that it was a woman who first used language?

He: Or a homosexual person.

Me: Yah! At least they didn’t have to answer to others for liking someone naturally.

He: Coming back to the subject, it’s more likely that language was invented to exchange ideas. Take the person, who invented the first tool, or discovered something like the taste of fish or an apple. He must have told others?

She: And we are certain it was a “he?”

He: He or she, goddammit… he or she!

Me: Yes, of course, the language was invented out of necessity. Like, when one lazybones felt hunger, he or she needed language to make another one bring that. Then the other one must have realized that he or she didn't want to “lie” with him or her and so he or she invented lying in order to dodge it.

She: But he or she could simply ignore the request instead of lying.

He: Maybe he or she didn't want to “lie” with him or her then, but wanted to keep the option open for future.

Me: So, the universal phrase reestablishes itself! “Necessity is the mother of inventions.”

She: Yes. And maybe we are looking at it the wrong way. I thing Language- the broader idea of it- wasn't invented as an idea. Maybe, they just invented different words for different needs.

He: Yes. Like, the word ‘Beautiful’ was inspired by the sight of a woman.

She: And the sight of a man inspired the word ‘Pervert.’

He: Hey, that was uncalled-for.

She: Truth sounds like that.

Me: I am done for today. Will continue day after tomorrow then?

He: What’s tomorrow?

Me: “Save-Water-Don’t-Bath Day!”

He: Eww!

She: Absolutely!